Why Embracing Your Feelings Is Essential For True Well-Being and Effective Stress Relief
Why is it so difficult for us to simply experience our emotions, or “feel our feelings”?
When it comes down to your well-being and being able to manage stress well, you need to be able to feel, embrace and understand your different emotions.
While everything in your life is going relatively well, it easy to understand and even dive deep into your feelings.
“I feel calm, because I’m at home relaxing today.”
“I feel happy, because my job is going well”
And etc.
But when something happens in your life that you didn’t want nor expect, you freeze up.
You know that this event makes you feel upset, mad, shocked, or hurt… or at least, that is how you’re supposed to feel.
But then you leave your emotions right there in that moment. You immediately do what most people do.
You begin to distract yourself from having those emotions.
“No, I can’t cry.. I’ll look weak”
“I don’t have time to be upset, I have to do [insert task here]”
The distractions and excuses are endless.
Today’s society taught us we don’t have time for “feeling”
Society has made being a human with normal reactions and emotions an inconvenience.
We can’t even behave normally when a loved one get sick or passes, or we lose our jobs or a child is in trouble, and many of the other countless things that can go wrong in life.
Because we are always just “so busy”.
We constantly have something to do, somewhere to go, and something we need to move on to.
“Life keeps moving”, they say.
And yes, that’s true. But society has hijacked this phrase to use as a psychopathic reason for why we can’t grieve or experience whatever other emotions we may have.
For example, it is no surprise that the year 2020 has been a year for the history books.
The world experienced an onslaught of loss - the sudden deaths of many impactful and famous individuals, then we were put up against a global pandemic.
Which then led to historic global loss of people’s loved ones, and afterwards, the global economy was catapulted into premature downturn and crisis.
In addition to those events during that time, there was an extreme media highlight and awareness of injustices experienced by different minority groups in the US, which therefore caused some civil unrest (and a bit of chaos).
And finally, there was a backdrop of political unrest in the U.S. and around the world.
Your body will suffer the consequences of the stress you ignore
The year 2020 was no joke, and those happenings have been enough to break even the strongest of us down.
Many individuals around the world (if not everyone) are still feeling some the effects of that year — Yes, even now, 4 years later.
I think that year was the first time everyone was confronted with their real emotions and they couldn’t run away from it.
But because many people didn’t know how to express their emotions effectively, they ended up stuffing down their feelings.
This is dangerous, because your body still experiences the stress of you ignoring your mental and emotional health.
So then you begin to experience symptoms similar to ones I’ve listed below:
(Just a quick note here, I have mentioned these same symptoms in other blog posts before, because your body only has a limited number of ways to express distress)
Sleeping issues
Restlessness (you’re feeling always on edge and the constant need to move around)
Hyper-vigilance (meaning you are constantly checking the news, checking on your family, checking your front door, your surroundings in an extreme and paranoid manner)
Difficulty with relaxing (unable to calm down, slow down or remain calm)
Constant muscle tension (it could be in your shoulders, back, arms, fists, legs and etc.)
Wanting to be alone in extremes (self isolation)
Frequently crying (or also feeling a constant need/uncontrollable urge to cry)
Inability to enjoy simple pleasures (this is possibly a sign of depression)
And constantly feeling negative emotions (which can happen due to the constant assault of bad or traumatic news), such as:
sadness,
guilt,
anger,
fear,
anxiety,
and more common one as of recently, a feeling of numbness
You may also feel many other physical symptoms, such as:
stomach issues,
pain and aches in your body,
headaches,
memory issues,
confusion,
difficulties concentrating,
and other similar bodily responses
The surprising importance of being able to cry
So in all transparency, this post was inspired by an episode on a radio program called, “Revista Radial: Impacto”, that my aunt Johanny used to host.
In that episode, she was talking about the different types of tears we cry and why each one of those different types of tears are important to our eyes and emotional health.
This segment she did sparked a deeper discussion between me and my husband about the importance of feeling your feelings and emotions, and he suggested that I continue that discussion here.
Which, I obviously thought was a great idea, and it fit perfectly with this post’s topic.
In the radio show, my aunt explained what the 3 different types of tears were: Basal tears, reflex tears, and psychic tears.
Basal tears is what keep our eyes wet and clear of dust;
Reflex tears is when we get or have an irritant in our eye, so our bodies are trying to clean and clear our eyes;
And lastly, psychic tears are emotional - they happen as an emotional response, whether it be for a negative or positive reason.
The psychic tears, or the “emotional tears”, are the ones very much related to this topic. And those are the tears that we need to start embracing more.
As a natural human response, you will experience feelings to different things happening around you, especially during difficult or challenging times. So being comfortable with “crying things out” is something that you may need to start practicing.
Now I’m not saying you need to start crying randomly in public, please don’t misunderstand me.
However, if you are experiencing any of the symptoms that I mentioned previously, it is essential that you take some time to find out what feelings you may have bottled up (suppressed), and need to release.
Effectively expressing your emotions makes you more intelligent
When you are able to effectively feel your emotions, you become a stronger and more intelligent emotionally. In the psychology world, it called having a high Emotional Quotient (EQ).
When you have a high “Emotional Quotient” (EQ), it means you are emotionally intelligent and aware of what is going on with yourself emotionally, and in many cases, you can tell what is going on with others as well.
When you allow yourself to feel your emotions, you are able to make smarter decisions about how to care for yourself.
Also, you just learned that allowing yourself to feel your feelings increases your EQ, so when your Emotional Quotient is increased, you can make better decisions about your self care and mental health needs.
You will be better able to navigate through the different seasons and stressors of life better.
Along with this, fully allowing yourself to experience your emotions and feelings will enable you to connect with others better.
You will be more in tune with what your loved ones around you are feeling, because you have experienced these things yourself.
So you will be able to relate to the people who are suffering or struggling, and offer them the support they are looking for and need.
The negative impact of suppressing your emotions
Obviously, not allowing yourself to feel your emotions can lead to negative effects. You will have a harder time handling what is throw your way and when different changes happen throughout your lifetime.
Not fully experiencing your emotions can lead to more suffering, both emotionally and physically (we’ve already listed above the symptoms you could experience).
I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase that your body is like a machine - it takes in and absorbs what it needs to use, then it expels what is no longer need.
If you bottle up or hold on to something that your body no longer needs, what this will do is build up toxins in your system, which will eventually make you sick.
This concept also applies to your emotions. If you don’t allow yourself to experience them properly, they will come out in other ways unexpectedly.
It could cause you to snap on someone for no apparent reason, or have you burst out into tears randomly in a store/at work, or show up in many other ways.
You can also end up tiring yourself out emotionally (emotional burnout), and become numb.
This will eventually leave you unable to connect others, as you continue to bottle up your feelings.
Remember, if you can’t feel the negative emotions, it will make it more difficult for you to experience and appreciate the positive emotions such as love and joy.
And when you begin forget how to differentiate between the two types of emotions (positive & negative), this can lead you down the road to depression. One of the telltale signs of depression is the inability to enjoy life’s different joys and pleasures.
As you can see, this is a serious matter: please experience your emotions fully in an effective and constructive way.
Cry when you need to cry; it’s good for you. Take some time to be alone, and just feel your emotions openly and without reservation in the presence of the Lord.
His Holy Spirit will be waiting there with open arms to comfort you - allow Him to do that.
Experiencing and feeling your emotions is a normal and healthy part of the human experience.
So don’t feel strange to go through the full range of your emotions, as long as you are not harming yourself or others around you.
What does the Bible have to say about our emotions?
With any topic, my favorite thing is study and see what the Bible has to say about the matter.
And we have a great example in the Bible of someone who went through distressing times and experienced his emotions in the fullest.
That Biblical example for this post is David.
His story is very familiar to most people who have read the Bible, so we know all of the struggles, mistakes and trials that he has faced.
And in one of my favorites psalm, he gives us a good look into his heart during one of those hard times. In the scripture, he says:
“Hear my cry, O God; Attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a shelter for me, A strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of Your wings.”
Psalm 61:1-4
There several things that we can learn from these verses:
The first point is that he cried. David was very open with how he was feeling in this situation. But more importantly, he was open and honest about his feelings in God’s presence.
He knew that the safest place for him to be this vulnerable was in the presence of the Lord, so we see David calling out to God in the first verse, expressing his distress,
The second point is he prayed. As I was saying in the first verse, David was willing to open his heart and cry, but he did it while talking to God. He knew that regardless of what he was feeling, God is his comfort. God is his refuge; his safe place.
The third point is he recognized where his help comes from - where he can get support from.
Similar to what I was saying in the previous point, David knew that God is his comfort and refuge. So this is where David’s help would come from, from God. David could trust that God would rescue him out of whatever problem he was facing.
The fourth (and final) point is he wrote out his emotions and prayers! This point is so obvious that you might miss it.
But we can disregard how important it is to take some time to write. Journal your thoughts, emotions and even your prayers.
Being able to get your ideas/thoughts/emotions down on paper can really help you visualize what is going on in your head, and can allow you to see your situation from a different perspective.
And that different perspective can allow you to properly see where God is in your life, and allow hope to rise up in you again.
This scripture from the Bible gives us a good example of great coping techniques that allow you to effectively express your emotions:
Cry (feel the emotions)
Pray (speak to God about how you feel)
Recognize that God is your help, and lean on the support system you have
Write/Journal your emotions (and prayers)
Using these techniques will be a great starting point on properly expressing and experiencing your emotions, and you will become a more emotionally intelligent person because of it.
TL;DR/Post Takeaways
We all go through difficult times at some point in our lives, so don’t be worried if you ever feel stressed during those times or start to experience minor signs of mental health distress.
If you need to cry, cry. Feel the full extent of all of your emotions, because we need to be able to maintain good emotional health, and you cannot do that if you are bottling up your feelings.
Our Biblical example, King David, experienced a lot of distress throughout his lifetime, but he took care of his mental health. He cried, prayed, recognized where he help came from, and wrote out his emotions. This is a good example you can follow when you are experiencing a difficult time in your life.
Resumen en Español:
Todos pasamos por momentos difíciles en nuestras vidas, así que no se preocupe si te siente estresado o experimenta signos de angustia de salud mental durante esos momentos.
Si necesitas llorar, llora. Sienta todo el alcance de todas sus emociones, porque necesitamos poder mantener una buena salud emocional y no puedes hacerlo si estas reprimido.
Nuestro ejemplo bíblico, el rey David, experimentó mucha angustia a lo largo de su vida, pero sé ocupó de su salud mental. El lloró, oró, reconoció de donde venía la ayuda y escribió sus emociones. Este es el ejemplo que puede seguir cuando esté pasando por un momento difícil en su vida.
Call to Action
So my beloved friend, my prayer for you is that you will give yourself the freedom to feel your feelings.
Also, allow the Holy Spirit to embrace you and comfort you, so that you can face your next challenge stronger than the last one, in Jesus’ name.
If you need to talk with somebody, or need someone to walk with you on your journey to better mental health with a biblical foundation, book your coaching call today. You’re not alone.
I pray that you always remember that God hears you, He cares for you, and He loves you.